What to do when the dreaded comparisonitis kicks in and the inevitable downward spiral of demotivation and paralysis follows?
My tips are around not comparing and judging yourself harshly, but just to draw inspiration instead from someone who is a little or a long way ahead of you in your business or in anything you are admiring of or striving for in your life.
Do something, anything, that makes you feel better about yourself and/or changes your state. That might be going for a walk, or meditating, or expressing gratitude. Cook a nice dinner which feels like pampering yourself, a demonstration of self-love. For me it might include listening to music or going for a drive with the music on, which I would find mood-enhancing, or taking a shower or having a nap, either of which I would find refreshing. What do you notice always improves your mood? Do some of that, make some therapeutic self-love. Then do a bit more. And soon you’ll notice you are back in the right space to give it another go.
I always think when my clients lose a day or three to anything, including something like this which has caused them to fall off the action wagon, that it isn’t as bad as it looks or feels. What’s a day or a week or half-term or the school holidays when you have the luxury of three score years and ten? So it isn’t all bad. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. That’s the Diana Krall version of the song Pick Yourself Up, which you’ll know from Frank Sinatra and Fred Astaire and many others too. It’s a universal message.
You might need to trick yourself into starting again. The easiest way to do that is to seduce yourself by starting with a little of what you fancy, because we know that does you good, or with a little of what you love. My podcast partner’s daughter, Phoebe, loves video editing and were she just to do a little, I’d be prepared to bet that she’d end up doing a lot because when we are doing what we love, we just don’t notice the time passing.
To my eyes, the most unattractive thing you could become would be a clone or copycat of anyone else, because we’ve all got something special to offer the world which is our unique combination of qualities and gifts.
So why are we looking at other people and worried that we are not them or not like them?
I’m going “Hooray! I’m not them!”
I wouldn’t want to be like anyone else.
I wouldn’t want to be like another single living human being.
Or a dead one for that matter.
I want to have things in common with you and be able to relate to you and to be able to resonate with you and go “ooh, me too” and recognise parts of myself in you and vice versa, but I don’t want to be like you or like anyone else. I want to be uniquely myself and to glory in that, to celebrate that.
Who needs another one of those in the world? We don’t.
This is what I love best about each and every one of us, that you are you and I am me and never the twain shall converge.
I think most of us are doing it more right than wrong most of the time. And that’s enough. Draw inspiration from others, no more, no less. And remember how many you inspire without even being aware of it, however little you feel you have achieved as yet. If we knew what other people thought of us we’d be amazed. I guess that goes both ways, but I choose to believe it is mostly good.
One of the things I notice most about clients the very first time I talk to them is how much better they are than they know, and how much better their prospects are too. And that when you are too close to it, you cannot see that because you cannot get the perspective right all by yourself. And because of our endemic modesty, which I always find a very attractive quality. But if modesty is taken too far and left unchecked it just leaves us low and completely unaware of good we really are, and how well placed to take advantage of that unique compendium of qualities and gifts.
Are you getting it more right than wrong? Good! You are on the right track then.
If it’s more wrong than right, then we should be speaking and I can help to jolt you out of paralysis, indecision, lack of confidence in your own ideas or whatever it is you have brought on yourself right now and which you are allowing to get in your way.
Book yourself into my online diary* now for an Entrepreneur of the Day call (your first one free) or a PWYW call if this is not your first. *It’s rather full in April, so if you cannot find a slot to suit you, simply email me instead and we’ll find a time we can both do with ease via email.
Everyone needs a cheerleader from time to time. And I am yours.
And those of you who write in to me after reading my newsletters every Friday? You are mine. Thank you, Beloved.