We all have the propensity to procrastinate when it comes to decisions. When listening to another person’s problems, it’s all too obvious what they should do – and pronto, and yet supporting them to find a way through can be challenging. So many of the decisions we need to make look easy in another’s life but impossible in our own. And those sorts of decisions can only be made by us and only when we’re good and ready.
- Should I start yet another new business or just focus on the one in hand?
- Can I love someone and let them go?
- Is bankruptcy really my best route out of crushing debt?
What’s the best way to end something which traps us in everyday misery when for one reason or another, and good strong reasons at that, we seem unable or unwilling to make the BIG decision, the decision which would change everything? And it’s that very decision which I know will allow my clients to be happier. And greater happiness leads to better outcomes in every area of our lives, better mental and physical health and more energy to create the abundance we all deserve.
For one who likes to chat, I surprise myself with my listening skills and this is because my listening is done with all my senses, not just my ears. If you are not behaving normally I notice, despite what you may be proclaiming. I can read the pain which leaks through every line of your email even though you may not be saying that in the words you’ve chosen. When I listen to you speak I can feel your lack of energy as you talk and breathe. I read all your signals. I am able to feel where you might go next. But you don’t – yet. So we sit with that for a while.
My job is simply to step back and allow you to make the decision for yourself. Rather than a series of my questions and your answers, although a bit of that does still go on, I might opt instead for a friendly supportive chat, occasionally sharing tales of my life and how the same problems have shown up here too, how I dealt with them when they did and what wisdom I’ve acquired from that process and from the various gurus who’ve helped me come to my eventual place of calm. And from that calm, I can give you a damn good listening to.
No matter how long it takes us to reach the place of no return and make the really, really hard decision, we all know that life will eventually be better because of it. The best thing is what happens next, the relief. And the exhale. Followed perhaps by little bit of anxiety about the implementation, but ultimately the relaxation in the letting go of something which was hurting.
And now we can start to heal and mend and re-build. And the day comes, as we knew it would, when we are eventually able to say “I don’t know why I didn’t do this YEARS ago!” And we all laugh, thinking “TELL ME ABOUT IT!” Laughter, happy tears and hugs ensue.
But we couldn’t do this years ago. This is all part of the process leading up to this point of no return, this place of extremis where something primal and survivalist inside us kicks in. The final outrage. The “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” moment. The I deserve better than this place. Life is short, and I’m gonna get on with mine today. No more Mrs Nice, no more mucking about, me first for a change.
Decision-making can be agonising and I hope you have someone close by who is listening to you with their ears, their gut and their unconditional love. Because the thing is this, we don’t really care which decision you make, just as long as you do something to ease your own pain. Wrestling for weeks or months with a hard decision ages us and robs the joy out of life and it’s very hard for your pals to watch. By comparison, the alternative feels like skipping lightly through the Elysian Fields.
Who could you listen to today, having parked your “shoulds” and your well-meaning advice elsewhere? I wonder if the opportunity might arise for you be in support while someone you care about makes that decision? Being available to listen with all your heart and soul might just work a little everyday miracle. Be a pal.