Learning To Find Peace Within The Fertile Void

So The Void begins in November 2009, continues through December, January and most of February.

During our monthly meeting of The Creation Experiment in November, I announced to the rather startled members of my own personal Woo Woo team that I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted out of another project in which I was involved.   I had no idea how that was going to happen at that date and I was rather surprised to hear those words come out of my own mouth.   Others were not.   But that project was very much alive at that point, despite my first one having gone down the pan at the end of October.

During November another business to which I was very closely associated went into liquidation.   Two down.

I then took the whole of December off abroad.   We hadn’t had a holiday for three years and as it was booked and paid for and long overdue, we went.   I couldnt really relax or enjoy myself and while I was away I took some drubbing in the forums for appearing to live the highlife in the face of a couple of disasters already.

In January, the surprise knock-on effect of the second company’s failure took away my remaining source of income, a third business in which I was a partner.   And then they began to drop like nine pins, a potential overseas property deal, a UK joint venture or two, another British company of which I was an agent and a private trading deal – all failed!  

The void blackened and deepened.  Four, five, six, seven, eight and nine – all down!

It was now three months since I had earned any money and savings were beginning to dwindle.   I still had no firm plan as to how I was going to support myself in 2010 and beyond or what my next project would look like.   I had started to become quite frightened, all too aware that what you focus on manifests so that was the very last thing I wanted to be dwelling on – fear.   Thank Heavens for my 18 years of personal development incorporating 10 years of counselling.

It was also very cold in the UK, with lots of snow.   I wasn’t even working in my new garden office which I could no longer afford; it was too cold and frankly I could hardly bear to gaze upon it, symbol that it was of the failures at the end of 2009.

During January, I did a lot more in-depth personal development, nay it was forced upon me and I was fortunate enough to be able to consult a lot of very wise friends and counsellors, some of them for free.   It started on 9th January with Marie Taylor who I am blessed to call a friend.   Marie knew what I was going through and we enjoyed an uplifting afternoon in Starbucks in the West End swapping stories of our winter challenges.  

Marie has visions and she had already seen me with two people I was yet to meet surrounded by money, lots and lots of money.   This was comforting, as was the track playing on the sound system in the coffee shop, Bob Marley’s  “Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright”.

Next, on 12th January, another gifted session, this time from Master EFT practitioner, Ann Ross.   Ann and I have worked together in the past, she taught me tapping and that evening we worked (using her new tool, Z Point) on my forgiving those whose companies had failed, those who had taken my time without paying for it, those who were writing nasty things about me on the internet, myself for getting involved with people whose businesses failed.   And letting go of the crushing disappointment that what I had planned to spend the rest of my working life on was not now going to be an option.   Ever.

On 23rd January I booked a session with my sometime coach Steve Nobel who later interviewed me on his radio show and then invited me to pitch to put on a workshop at Alternatives, a long-held dream.

And finally, on 30th January, I sought out my spiritual adviser Stewart Pearce and together with his help, we re-named The Void as The Fertile Void.   Stewart reminded me that in order for something new to come into your life, you have to create a void.   And that it can therefore be a fertile place of renewal.   And that the naysayers represent one’s own Dark Side which is also a growth opportunity.

More growth, oh dear!

As all my dominoes continued to fall over throughout the first ten or twelve weeks of the cold, snowy, new year, I came to find peace within The Fertile Void.   But everytime the FV got bigger with each domino I started to be even more anxious about what was coming my way.   During this time, I was the lucky recipient (not) of a letter from the Financial Crime Enforcement Division of the FSA, a CCJ for over two thousand pounds for unknown but unpaid services charges at one of my BTL properties, a bill for £700 for a new bathroom at another and an estimate for £1,000 for a new flat roof to replace the leaking one at my home.   Jeez!

And yet – miraculously it WAS still possible to be peaceful.  

For starters, I had a lot less to do so I became, at that time, considerably less busy, which in some ways was good as it enabled me to achieve some peace and personal time which had been on my wishlist for years. But the downside of all that so-called peace was more time to feel the fears and contemplate the void with no distractions.

When I had told The Creation Experiment team in November that I wanted out of one particular business, I didnt expect it to be so fast or so dramatic; when will I learn to be careful what I wish for?   Something the equivalent size of the San Andreas fault then proceeded to open up and swallow my businesses, completely unexpectedly and with a deafeningly loud and final-sounding chomping noise.   All change Chez Judith.

And The Void, fertile or not, was now big enough for me to land that spacecraft from Close Encounters of The Third Kind.  

What ON EARTH was I manifesting?

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