Paul McKenna taught me during my NLP training that we are born with only two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. What this means is that every other fear you have, you have made up or adopted during your lifetime. You have decided to be fearful of everything you are frightened of and, if you want, you can unlearn those fears or abandon them. There’s no need to be afraid because what you have learned about fear can be unlearned.
I’ve been living a very fearful life, especially in the last four years. And when I search on the word “fear” on my own website I see that I’ve written about it a lot. I’ve been exploring it with a view to giving it up, surrendering fear altogether. I long ago recognised that it doesn’t serve me. Fear makes things worse. It keeps me awake in the night, and it’s incapacitating which is precisely the opposite of the resourceful place from which I choose to serve my clients.
Finally, in the last couple of weeks, I think I’ve really turned a corner with this, deliberately choosing to unlearn everything I’ve ever taken on board about fear and lack and scarcity. They aren’t true. I am choosing a new reality, one which will be a much more comfortable place in which to dwell.
“There’s a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear”
There’s No Need To Be Afraid
So, why are we so fearful?
We’ve been bred, educated and indoctrinated to be fearful because it suits the Establishment, the powers that be. I’m not going to get into conspiracy theories here, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I find it frightening (!) and I prefer to create my own reality, not buy into the reality propaganda perpetrated by others.
But it is clear that society requires most of us to have jobs. And in order to spend 40+ years doing something we don’t like very much we have to be trained into a set of beliefs which have fear lurking behind most of them. You don’t need me to explain this, it’s common knowledge and becoming increasingly visible globally, thanks to the internet.
So when we first dared to step outside the norm and not have a job, we were going against the grain. But we took all of the fears with us that we had acquired up to that point and then added a whole lot more.
And, I’ve noticed, I get even more fearful as I get older if I’m not careful.
So, what helps rid ourselves of fears?
NLP can be very useful with phobias. EFT practised daily definitely lessens fears and all unhelpful emotions. My spiritual and personal development reading and practice has been very useful indeed. Yesterday we were debating Byron Katie’s The Work in my Club 100 Facebook group. If you’ve not heard of Byron Katie, here’s the four questions she would have you ask yourself about anything you are going through, whether it’s fear-based or not:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
That sort of thing helps too, very much. And if you’ve ever seen Byron Katie live you will see her ridicule the silly stories we tell ourselves. The Work is quite starkly brutal actually, to my view, but as we laugh at the person in the audience with their bonkers fears, we are laughing at ourselves and the silly stuff we’ve made up too. She gets us to laugh at ourselves and see that our nameless dreads are not real; they are just our unhelpful story. And it’s time to leave that story behind and be free now.
My breakthrough in the last couple of weeks has come from a combination of thoughts and ideas.
Firstly one of my own clients came up with an expression during our exploration of abundance across the summer. The expression is about “trust that there’s an unlimited flow”. I found a great deal of peace in that thought. I wanted to adopt it as my own immediately. And so I did. I started to work with that concept of trust. I started to ingest it, to make it so me that I cannot separate me from that thought. It was a deliberate choice about the sort of me I want to be.
And then I read a couple of chapters in Pam Grout’s latest book E-Cubed about love and abundance. About loving everyone who pushes my buttons, everyone who has a different reality from me (and keeping their darness at arm’s length, not getting sucked into their worldview, not taking on their fears). And recognising that, however annoying, I must love them too because they are me and I am them, we are holograms of each other, we are energetically connected. And those bits of them that I find most annoying and separating are the parts of me which I most need to acknowledge and love and reincorporate into me without any scarce outcomes. I am, as Byron Katie would say, loving what is.
So I set about doing that daily on Facebook. Loving the annoying ones. The scarce. The judgemental. The racist. The fearful. I can see this is going to be the work of a lifetime, loving those parts of me which you reflect most unattractively and which I have been resisting. I choose to recognise and appreciate those parts now. I love them. But your fears and limiting beliefs do not become mine. Because I choose mine and fear is no longer part of my choice. It’s only been a few days but I shall keep on doing this daily until it is my new habit so much that I don’t even have to think about it.
And then I chose to believe this picture and make it my screensaver and my new reality.
“When I stop struggling, I float. It is the law.”
And I blogged about unlimited flow. As it happens, I’m good with floating and water. It is not one of my fears, so this was a very useful thought/feeling for me to choose. It’s helpful and supportive, just like the water.
So then we came up to month end and for the first time for a very long time I chose not to go into scarcity about it. Why would I need to when I am floating in trust? Clients decided they could not afford to work with me. No fear. Clients bounced their standing orders. No fear. I don’t need to be afraid, me. I’m floating.
Life’s much nicer. I am amazed that it’s so easy. I’m trying to persuade my clients to give up their fears too.
Today so far I’ve decided to give up my idiotic fear of coming off LinkedIn. My ideal client isn’t on there, I know that. I’ve come off before and I might come off again, who knows. But whether I do or whether I don’t, either way there’s no fear. I don’t need to buy into the reality of people on LI that I don’t believe in and neither do you.
I don’t need to buy into anyone’s fear that doing a quiz on Facebook is some ruse to suck my personal information out of me so that I can be scammed.
If I read or watch or see anything which creates a reaction of fear or anything unpleasant in my body, I just turn away from it and I send the person who shared it some of my overflowing abundance of love. They represent a dark part of me, a fearful part which I no longer align with.
I don’t watch the TV news or read the newspapers but still the fear-mongers get through. But I don’t need to worry about the future, I create my own. I don’t need to be fearful that there are bogey men out there who are trying to do me down. I reject scarcity and lack and I shall not be using them in my marketing ever again. A resource may be finite but there’s no scarcity. I shall live this in every which way.
What will be will be. Everything is fine and all is well, unfolding perfectly.
It’s altogether a more comfortable choice and it is within the power of all of us. I really believe that. We make our own reality. You know that. Stop buying into other people’s fears. It’s a mental strength, for sure. But with practice we can get better at that, like anything.
Engendering fear is one of the ways in which society seeks to control the individual. Whatever you fear isn’t true, however real it appears to be, except loud noises and falling. Don’t allow yourself to be duped. Deselect whatever fears you have chosen (or been indoctrinated with) accidentally or on purpose. Release them, let them go. They are imposters.
How to Stop Living in Fear – a blog post which might help, written way back.
“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.” ~ Swedish Proverb