I’ve got some observations about worry to share with you and, if you recognise yourself in these tales, thank you for being my inspiration today and always.
I am grateful to two of my clients in Club 100 who taught me some vital distinctions about worry. How not to, basically. Or how to worry a lot less, and that any energy and vital life force thus expended is mostly wasted and wasteful.
They both flagged in our group or to me individually that they had Something Quite Big to worry about. Although I tend to ever so slightly overservice my clients, I wasn’t worried. Two very competent women for starters. And “problems” which looked eminently soluble from the outside, at least to me looking in at them floundering a little.
I was sure all would be well. I suspect I said as much. Quite possibly they were annoyed with me; it probably isn’t all that helpful when you are in High Dudgeon to have someone telling you everything’s gonna be fine.
My confidence in their fineness was born of the fact that I’ve seen these women solve bigger problems in the past, ditto my other clients and colleagues too and even myself. I’ve observed that most problems solve themselves, given enough time. And I’ve come to understand that mostly everything works out in the end. And if it hasn’t so far, then it isn’t the end yet.
And so it came to pass.
One problem, when tackled head on, had a very sensible solution. No surprise to me. I have a terribly logical brain and I could see that the situation had to have arisen before many, many times and therefore there would have to be a solution in place. And so it was. Relief all round, for my client and for me. And it even turned out a bit better than that too. And TBH this one solved itself slightly faster than even I anticipated.
The second problem was also solved within a couple of days, as again I knew it would be.
It was mainly the calibre of the women involved. That’s what gave me the confidence that all would be well. We are mostly capable of finding solutions to the problems we ourselves have created or manifested. If you can get yourself into a mess, you can get yourself out of it.
What I learned about myself and worry in this process is that while it is fine to observe others and know that all is well, despite appearances, my worries are different. Of course they are. My worries are serious and insoluble and require me to waste my time and energy on them. My worries are sufficient to cause me to lose sleep. I have Very Important Worries.
No. They are not. My worries are no different or more important or more serious than those my clients were anxious about. And I too could relax, knowing that somewhere in the Big U all is already well and the solution is on its way and my getting my knickers in a knot isn’t helping, in fact quite the opposite. It is almost self-indulgent. Better to surrender, and crack on with what I can do, crack on with anything, and stop getting hung up on what appears still to be wrong.
Back to that logic of mine… if my two clients are top notch women and their problems don’t appear to me to be anything to worry about, then the same can be said of me and mine.
And you and yours.
So when it comes to worry, don’t. Stop it immediately (my #1 favourite coaching tip!).
As I was telling Nicola on this week’s recording for next week’s podcast, I am working very closely right now with a woman who was once a client and has now become a friend/colleague. A friend/colleague is a person who picks my brains and I hers. Sometimes she’s down and anxious and worried and needs my help and sometimes it’s the other way around. It’s symbiotic. I like it. It feels balanced and fair and useful and valuable. It is the antidote to always being a giver, or always being a taker. Give and take. Yin and Yang. Marvellous.
A couple of weekends ago she wrote me a long rambling email full of worries and woes. And I replied at length too, paying particular attention to every point as I often do with a client in my professional capacity. Since she had also been a client way back, I knew her process. She knew I knew. And when she eventually found my reply on Monday she wasn’t surprised by what I’d said, pretty much as I guess my clients above were not surprised that I bolstered and reassured them. It’s what I do, coach or no.
My friend/colleague is quite a magical person, and I know her gifts. I knew if I could get her back into the place of her gift and out of her place of anxiety, then all her worries and problems would melt away. And, again, so it came to be. She’s probably forgotten all about that email already, her life has moved on so swiftly. She even said “I knew you’d say that” almost as if just writing it all down and anticipating my reply was enough, that’s what my pal Marion calls “remote coaching”! I even remembered that my #1 coaching tip (see above) was invented for this very woman in response to her signature long rambly emails full of doubt and questions.
Then it came my turn to shower her with a couple of anxious emails and I noticed a pattern in her replies.
First off she started to sign off each email with “everything’s working out perfectly” and, oddly, that’s what started to manifest. I told you she was magical. On a road trip together last Friday I told her I’d noticed her saying that and that her saying it and my noticing it had been both clever and amusing but, more importantly, it raised our belief and our vibe and our magical results. We laughed healing laughter.
Then I noticed my friend had switched it up a gear on Monday and was signing off her emails with “don’t worry, be happy” which immediately caused me to go to You Tube and make that song my mantra for this week. I noticed it has been watched 68 million times. LOL! What does that tell you about how much we all need an antidote to worry?
And so this introduced a note of fun into the proceedings between me and her, taking the vibe up yet another notch. I can almost hear her laughter now, even though her business travels this week meant we haven’t been able to speak on the phone or have a meeting. It doesn’t matter, its Thursday as I write this and she wrote that to me on Monday and my vibe is still high.
You cannot help but create better results if you are in the right vibe. Choose happy.
PS If I can help you with choices, solutions and vibes, let me know. Book yourself into my online diary for a PWYW (Pay What You Want) sesh and let’s be knocking those anxieties on the head and manifesting the good shiz instead. #ChooseHappy