Friendship and Why It Hurts Sometimes: Podcast Ep 208

The topic for today’s podcast, our last before Christmas, was sent in by a listener with whom I had this conversation in advance of the show:

Her: Something I’ve been pondering a lot this year is the nature of friendships. How they change over time, those that last, those that don’t, is it me or is it them… Lots of memes about being true to who you are but then people don’t always like that and it can be quite a lonely place, for a time at least. There have been a number of instances over the last few years, well, decade actually, since having my first child, that have made me think about the nature of friendships.

Me: I think it is a fascinating topic. The number of friends I have retained over my adult life is about 4-6. Everyone else has been passing through and they were fun to be with for a while. That’s probably OK I reckon. Of course, I am much older than you and it was probably difficult at the time they were all coming and going but the good ones tend to stick around! A bit like a sieve with different sized holes, most slip through.

Her: It’s exactly that perspective that I’d like to hear! A lot of people have passed through over the past few years. Many times I’ve felt it’s been about choices made around the children, so hearing from someone who hasn’t had them is also interesting.

Me: I think children bring people to together for short, medium and long times. Being single without kids while everyone else is doing it is very hard, even though I never wanted kids.

Her: If there’s a similar pattern of people maybe not approving of life choices and drifting away.

Me: Is it about approval? I always think its about what you have in common or not

Her: I have felt (in one case expressly told) that the choice to home educate has been so challenging that they’ve not wanted to spend time with me. More than one occasion, actually. Some have been similarly challenged by my not returning to my scientific career. That I’ve let the side down by staying home with the children.

Me: Our life choices make them confront their own. PAINFUL!

Her: Also, because these choices left us with little disposable income, we (me and my husband) haven’t been able to travel to see people to keep up old friendships with people we’ve had other stuff in common with. But making friends with other people with children doesn’t always work out either, as you can have very little in common but having procreated! I think I’ve been inspired a bit by my mum, who moved to be closer to us a few years ago and now has the widest circle of friends I’ve ever seen her have (she’s 77). In that, it’s always possible to make new ones! I’ve found it a bit weird running a business as well, where people get close if they think you’ll be useful to them. I’m not very good at politicking and tend to get hurt.

Nicola and I take the discussion on from there.

LISTEN HERE TO OWN IT! The Podcast #208: Thoughts on Friendship

In other news…Stoupa has encouraged Nicola to become braver, this week hauling wood in the dark. She’s been researching writing group in Brighton with whom she might organise meetups during her visit to the UK over the holidays. And she’s been reflecting on two perennial young actors and noticing they are ageing too, just like the rest of us.  My week involved another funeral, dinner out with my best mates who I hadn’t seen for 13 months, pertinent in view of our focus of the week, and that I have joined up with a free 21-day tapping challenge.

Nicola’s fire has been fuelled by Frank Kern and his Convert 2.0 and I’m excited by my end of term at 20.30 on the day of the recording, providing me with an opportunity to tidy up the old and make way for the new. I am archiving my two Low Carb Facebook groups and will ponder over the holidays whether or not I want to do that sort of coaching in 2019. Much to ponder over the holidays, actually.

Our words of the week are Anticipation (hers) which reminds me of my favourite Carly Simon song, and Service (mine) which is inspired by the BBC show about the Corinthia Hotel.

Nicola has two new projects in motion, both of which sound great. One is a new ebook inspired by what she tells us about Frank Kern and one she started to tell us about last week which is an online resource for writers all around the world. Lovely. I tell her that I remembered I always sell my Listening Vouchers during the Christmas period and I put them on my Facebook Shop and included them in my newsletter this week too. Website nav bar next.

And finally, we are impressed by the MasterChef finalists (with due notice of the lack of diversity brouhaha) and me by five female OAPs who have created an RTM (right to manage) their own 44-unit care home in Gloucestershire. Wow!

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