Ever since I took my Wealth Dynamics test ages ago now and discovered that my profile, Creator, is 50% introvert, I’ve been exploring that part of me. It explained such a lot. It explained why I love people but when faced with them in certain ways like parties and workshops and events, I found those events and those people absolutely exhausting and totally draining, enough to start to boycott them completely. No became my answer to every invitation.
I thought there was something wrong with me. I knew my 50% extrovert very well, she’s quite sociable, she’s often the life and soul of any party. She invited 120 of her closest friends to celebrate her 50th birthday with her, she isn’t shy, she can sing karaoke stone cold sober and she can talk non-stop in the right company. Other people thought there was something wrong with me too, knowing the old me they cautioned against “becoming a hermit”. I ignored them. They didn’t get it and I didn’t explain. People like things and people who stay the same. People like what they know, it’s comforting.
But coming home to this introvert half of me, hidden and unexplored for so long, was healing in a way which was quite wonderful. I learned new aspects about what self-care means for a person like me. I had thought that what I wanted was peace and quiet, and that is very much a part of it, but it’s because I need that time to re-charge myself from within. I crave quiet introspection and lots of thinking time. I love to think. And read. And be by myself…A LOT!
I love to make room for thoughts and feelings and intuitions to come in about how to solve my own problems, and how to help my clients best. I don’t make that happen, it just does if I leave enough room. That’s an art which I am exploring. I love it and I love remembering to do it, to relax more and to trust that everything is perfect just exactly as it is and that I can act from a place of inspiration not drive.
But the 2018 surprise is that after years of staying at home by myself through choice, I am venturing out into the world again and relatively enthusiastic about meeting people. At Christmas, it was Marion, always the easiest of people to be with anyway, but we hadn’t seen each other for three years nonetheless. In January it was Leslie, my oldest school friend and then lovely Frank, he of the two degrees in Eng Lit. I get every other Friday off work and now my diary is already booked up all the way through February and halfway into March with an old client/colleague/friend on Friday this week, my former assistant from my accounting days two weeks later (who wants to pick my brains about writing a memoir) and Frank again with his other half, Kerry, on 9th March. I am leaving the house. I am being with people. I am excited and interested in exploring that sociable side of myself again.
My thoughts and realisations in the shower around this today were about happiness and gratitude, specifically how my work has brought me into contact with those people who have become friends. OK, not Leslie, that was boarding school, but everyone else I’ve met through my work and people are describing me too in their blogfest posts as their friend which is delightful. It is a weird thing about becoming friends with clients. You both do and don’t want to do that. While they are a paying client you want to be able to have some professional distance sufficient to be able to say the hard things to them at times, and friendship can blur those boundaries. It is less blurring for me today in 2018 than it might have been a decade ago, and perhaps that’s one of the main benefits of the introspection. Friendship is a deep joy, but being of appropriate service to my clients while they are with me is also one of my top values into which I put a lot of thought and energy.
Another benefit, for sure, is my switch from driving things and forcing things and being a workaholic, into doing less and allowing more. Ever since I sold my accountancy business in 1997 and started coaching in 2002, this has been a passion/obsession of mine. Exploring ease. When it’s right it’s easy. Not everything worth having takes hard work and pushing uphill and struggle. And today a client and I have exchanged a message on Facebook to this effect, that we are both feeling a message to slow down and make room for things to happen to us and for us, not feeling we have the fix everything for everyone and for ourselves all of the time.
As you know from last week’s high vibe blast of busy achievement as documented in this newsletter, I was on fire with doing things. And manifesting miracles combined with inspired and focused attention has resulted in some very long work days chez Judith, which I hardly noticed because I was having such a ball. But my body noticed. And complained. And so it was surprising again that this week’s instruction in the Michael Neill book was for me to do nothing at all unless I felt like it. Wahey! Permission to do nothing, permission to knock off early and watch Grace & Frankie, permission to have a snow week, permission to stop driving/achieving, permission to have it be easy, permission to make progress with reading 52 books in 2018.
What do you think of that? Can you do nothing and still create the impossible? Or does this freak you a tad? I can’t wait till my alpha colleagues get to week 6, they are going to go ballistic!