I’ve noticed how much time and energy and love my well-meaning friends and colleagues and I put into thinking about other peoples’ lives. And I’ve decided to stop doing it. It isn’t that I don’t care, far from it. In fact the problem is caring too much and to an inappropriate degree. Here’s a list of the sorts of things I’ve noticed we say to each other when we get together:
- I wish she would just focus on one thing and make her life easier
- I wish he would drink less/eat more/get a cleaner/get a life
- I wonder why she doesn’t let me help her with something I’m really good at and could fix for her in a heartbeat
- It would be so much better for him if he ditched that woman he’s with/changed his job
- Why does she keep going back to him?
- Why doesn’t he get out more/take up a new hobby/use his gym membership instead of moping about at home in his pants?
- It’s time she pulled herself together and moved on
- Add your own in here
Frankly? This is NONE of our business. And every moment we put into thinking thoughts like these is a waste of our own vital life force. Send those you love and are concerned about positive loving vibes and re-focus on your own stuff, that’s all we can do. That’s all we should be doing.
Now, it’s different if they ask, if they want our help with focus, clutter-clearing, changing habits, getting the phone number of our plumber/personal trainer, finding a new partner or seeing life differently. But until and unless they ask? Nothing to do with us whatsoever! Let’s move on and think about something to which we can make a difference.
Be the change you want to see in the world. Thanks Gandhi, me ol’ mucker. Trust you to put your finger on it in just a ten word sentence. Must be all that meditation.
Need an antidote to thinking and worrying about others and all the pitfalls of meddling in their lives? Gratitude. Count your blessings. Make your own life the best it can possibly be and wait until (if?) they come asking for your advice or help or support. But don’t hold your breath. That’s all I’m saying.
Live your own life and leave others to live theirs. That’s how it was designed to be, trust us Human Beans to go mucking it all up and meddling where we have no business. Change the way you respond to others. Switch up the vibes you are sending them. Find a healthier way to support those you care about by loving and accepting them exactly as they are.
And that all starts at home, with loving and accepting yourself exactly as you are first.