The Rough with the Smooth

saling man 01Earlier in my career, taking the rough with the smooth was normal, I expected it. Now, along with all my clients, I want more smooth with my smooth. That’s just the way life seems to be these days, but is it realistic? I don’t think it is, no. So how can we prepare ourselves to be happy enough and find ways to enjoy some rough with our smooth?

We’re OK. No matter how much rough has come our way – and I’ve endured plenty – I’m still OK. You’re OK too.

Life can be a roller coaster and we get to choose how scary a ride it is, within reason. So if you don’t like it bumpy and risky, choose a comfier setting and live with the smaller highs and the smaller lows. If you want bigger highs, prepare yourself… because your lows are going to dip lower too. It’s a more adult ride. It’s risky and scary and exhilarating all at the same time. Not for the faint hearted. Not better either. You choose the setting for the ride of your life.

Life wasn’t meant to be all smooth. How would you know you were up if you were always up? It’s the contrast which makes like interesting. Nothing is all smooth, that would also be dull no matter how much we think we crave it. And high or low, you’ve always been alright. I’ll keep reinforcing that message as I see my clients despair in their lows, most of which are relatively short-term and over and even completely turned around in as little as three weeks. So we need to choose patience and know all this is part of the journey  and entirely natural and normal.

Prepare yourself for the contrast by all means at your disposal – sometimes we’re up, sometimes down and a lot of time we’re just balanced in the middle on the way up or on the way down. It’s all cyclical and the good will come back around, as will the bad. Expect both and relax either way.

Instead, what do we do? We worry about what might be coming all the time which makes our ‘alright’ times and our ‘up’ times spoiled by the fears in anticipations of the upcoming lows which, as it turns out, aren’t so very bad either. And soon they pass too.

I know this happens in my own life and I observe my clients doing it every day and I talk them down from the ledge of anxiety and get them to see that it’s just how it is, and how to be philosophical about this cycle of life.

The real opportunity here is to learn how to master one’s thinking and feeling and perhaps the best way to do that is with a meaningful daily self-care practice which may or may not be spiritual. EFT/Tapping. Running. Walking, Journaling, Yoga. Meditation. Drawing. Making art. Sewing. Going for a drive:

  • Something which grounds you and enables you to zone out of fear
  • Something which brings you to this present moment, where you can see and feel that you are just fine really
  • Something which enables you to realise you are making it up
  • Something which helps you to see that up or down, come what may, you are alright
  • Something which gives you the space to choose better thoughts and feelings

The price of smooth is a bit of rough (if you see what I mean!).

You’re alright. Rough. Smooth. Smooth. Rough. That’s how life goes, and everything’s perfect just exactly as it is.

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