What Do You Really Want?

One of my very favourite moments when working with a new client, and sometimes even with an old client, is when we get to the almost inevitable time in the call where they say “of course, what I REALLY want is…”.

This happened today on only the second coaching call of 2013; that’s how often it happens. 1 in 2.

By this point, we had spent a goodly chunk of time on what my client is currently doing and we had both got relatively excited about it. Nice idea. Gorgeous website. Perfect freebie up and ready for download already. There didn’t seem to be much I could teach this woman.

At least, not until she said the magic words “what I really want is…”.

Then we realised she has a dilemma going on between what she started out to do, perhaps what she ought to do on some level, and the what-she-really-wants project. As soon as she started to talk about the really want one, her voice changed to passion, energy and excitement.

And since her really want project is just as good a business idea as her first one, I encouraged her big time.

Why do we put so much time and effort into the things we think we ought to be doing when we have a perfectly serviceable idea in the wings with which we are much more in love? Why do we put the really want project on the back burner assuming we cannot have that one, that we must achieve something else first before we can have our dream life and business?

So, a couple of questions for you, Gentle Reader:

What’s your Really Want project?

And are you doing it now?

If not, what are you waiting for?



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4 Responses to “What Do You Really Want?”

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  1. Judith Morgan says:

    I think pursuing something you think you want and then finding that it isn’t is a helpful part of the process and enables people to get clear on their true wants. A process of elimination effectively. And our desires change all the time as we do, of course.

    I went to a movie on Monday afternoon, my first working day of the year. Didn’t tell anyone, Anne, but thought how lucky I was, yes! Surely these treats are why we work for ourselves? I don’t get a reproving voice (though I can imagine why you might Irish Anne) but I didn’t brag about it either out of respect for those less fortunate. I was quite impressed with myself, to be honest, and I thought I was starting how I mean to go on in 2013!


  2. Anne says:

    Of course this brings another dilemma – what if you pursue something and think that it’s something you want – but then find it’s not actually it. It’s not bad – it’s just not what you thought it would be. As I sit here self-employed and think that on Friday I’m going to do work I love and then get to go off and do a music lesson and then go with a friend to see a movie – I almost feel giddy and gleeful that my life is good, good, good. Of course (like Nicola above) I get the voice that reproves me for doing what I want when there are so many others who “can’t” but then another voice pipes up and says maybe I can inspire others to do what they want….(as you often inspire me, ms J and indeed Ms C 🙂 )

  3. Judith Morgan says:

    Hi Nicola

    It’s time to release whatever outdated and outmoded ideas we were brought up with. They “might” have made sense in the Sixties when our parents indoctrinated us with ideas they picked up from their parents a generation earlier, but they no longer serve us. Just dump ’em. It’s your life, make sure you get to spend your time doing what you want and love as far as possible. I realise there are constraints but a self-employed person is often best positioned to live a life of desire. Otherwise, what’s the point? Unless a life of service is your choice and, knowing you, it isn’t.

    Yes is the answer to your last question, assuming all else has failed. There’s usually a way to chime our desires with what the market wants. I don’t think either of us is so exceptional that we are the only person on the planet who wants what we do; surely not? Not being able to see how to make money out of it is another question altogether. Let me know what it is and if I can’t find a way to make money out of it, there probably isn’t a way but I’ve not met many of those ideas yet. Always available for a discussion, though I appreciate you probably were not necessarily voicing your own opinions in your comment as much as those of your own clients perhaps.

    Isn’t 2013 great?


  4. Nicola says:

    Wise words indeed! Tough one sometimes if you’ve been brought up in the 60’s and taught that wanting things is selfish. And voicing those wants is brattish.

    The other challenge is that we often know what we DON’T want (I spent years having coffee with my bank manager who really knew what he didn’t want to do after the bank, but not what he wanted to do). The good news was that when an opportunity presented itself, he knew immediately that it was right because it didn’t offer anything he didnt’ want and he’s happily doing what’s left over now and it’s making him money hand over fist.

    What if what you want to do is not what the market wants so you can’t see how to make money from it? Do you make money other ways and do what you want as a delightful hobby?